Can the right person make a narc want to change their ways? Is love that powerful? Has anyone seen this or experience it?

I truly understand how hard that is to comprehend - my ex was self-aware and used that self-awareness to make me believe he needed to be rescued from himself and I was the only one who could do it. Nonsense.

Meanwhile, the narcissist truly doesn’t give a single fuck about any of them.

Every single person your narcissist has targeted thinks the exact same thing.

I’m wondering about attachment and transference with the therapist and the idea of escape and fantasy? How much do you think your strong feelings, constant thoughts, desires to be with your therapist are a way to escape from your present life? I wonder if the transference serves another purpose than to show us our wounds and/or past experiences, but is a present coping strategy for managing what we don’t want to face (even if unconsciously) in the present—-current relationships, life circumstances, etc. Can anyone relate to this concept of escape in relation to their therapy relationship? How does this play out for you?

Every narcissist has a phone full of exes who are still clinging on, believing that one day, the narcissist will finally understand, and decide to change - for them.

No. I’m sorry.

They don’t have the capacity to - their brains physically lack the parts that are responsible for love and empathy. They will never love us, care about us, or want us for anything more than what they can use us for.

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I promise you, most of us have been there. And, I’m not trying to hurt you, but it’s bullshit.

We’ll tolerate the silent treatments and the abuse and the cheating because we believe we know who they are deep down; we see them, and we’ll be the one who never abandons them, and one day they’ll finally realise that and our unconditional love will make them want to change…

Please don’t lose months or years, hoping they’ll change. They won’t.

Sometime ago, the Iranian Minister said that a US Navy aircraft carrier would be an easy target for 300 speed boats armed with Katyusha rocket launchers. Is this true?

Every single person who has truly loved a narcissist believed they were the one exception to the rule. Every single one of us. Do you know why?

He was appealing to my need to feel worthy; special. Imagining that you’re the one person alive who can save this incredible person you’re obsessed with is very, very powerful. The truth is, it feeds our own narcissism. That’s not an easy thing to admit, but it’s true.

Not a single person on earth can love the narcissism out of someone with NPD. Most therapists aren’t able to even make a dent, and that’s if the narcissist even wants to change, and 99.9999% don’t, because they don’t think they’re the problem. Even if they know they’re different, they think their differences make them superior.

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Because that’s what the narcissist wanted us to think.

I truly understand that deep in your soul you just know that you and he are different.

When people talk about the way they love-bombed and mirrored us and wore a mask for us, it isn’t just so we fall in love fast; it’s so that we believe we’re their One, that deep down we connected with them in a way no-one else ever did. And because we think that, we’ll never let them go.

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Think of it this way: nothing about your relationship with the narc was real, because he isn’t capable of being real and, darling, no matter how much you pour, water has no effect on fake flowers.

They will never, ever change. Never. Even if you truly feel you saw the “real him” - like glimpses in your peripheral vision… you didn’t. You saw what the narcissist wanted you to see.

If you’ve been devalued and discarded, the narcissist is already love-bombing someone else and tailoring their manipulation so this new person believes they’re the one exception to the rule, too.

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I’m not trying to be harsh or cruel… but if there’s one thing that will help you to start moving on, it will be giving up the idea that the narcissist can change, and that if you just hold on, your love will be the catalyst.